Joseph is the oldest of seven children. He is the oldest, and the best, but it's not a competition. He is very big.

NOTE: this section written by VLM’s articulate Russian receptionist, Jivana.

Back to Joseph. Joseph is very muscular. Just a hair under six feet tall, at
five-foot-nine. Strong resemblance to Jake Gyllenhaal, with Maggie’s elegant
feet and Joe Pesci’s wicked grin.

Very Long Media grew from the ashes of the Long Family. The Long
Tree is as follows:

(THERE IS NOTHING TO FOLLOW RIGHT NOW, WHICH WE UNDERSTAND MIGHT BE CONFUSING. BUT SOON THERE WILL BE A REAL, SUPER-HELPFUL DIAGRAM TO HELP YOU VISUALLY UNDERSTAND THE QUASI-DEMOCRATIC HIERARCHY THAT IS AT THE ROOT OF VLM'S MISSION. MERCI.)

When his parents spawned for the first time,* they knew they would someday
create something special. And they did.

Although Joseph’s four younger brothers tower over him physically, and
two younger sisters tower over him mentally, and two parents tower
over him financially, he retains a special place in the family. They call
him,

“The General.” Or "Commander," for short.

Because they know that although they may lack the
understanding to comprehend the decisions he sometimes has
to make (e.g. use allowance money to finance company equipment, i.e.
espresso machine), that everything he does is for their own good, mostly.

They not only love him unquestioningly, they follow and respect him
Unflinchingly, mostly.